


It isn't easy to be

by daily_star99



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Multi, No Plot/Plotless, Real Life, free writing, if you recognize me oh well, my experience, my life, really just me writing about me, you know who you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23068513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daily_star99/pseuds/daily_star99
Summary: Short writing about my thoughts lately about toxic people in my life. There isn't really a plot, and even though I have removed the names of the people in this, there is enough to recognize some. If one actually knows me. And my history.
Kudos: 2





	It isn't easy to be

  
  


It wasn’t easy to be me.

Being gentle and helpful all the time.

Being a mother-like figure for sad children.

A therapist for broken individuals.

  
  


I don’t turn people away easily. I tolerate them, if they are annoying, but I don’t turn them away.  
I’m ideal person for toxic people.

  
  


I’ve met way too many toxic persons in the past years. Some more toxic than others, but toxic nonetheless.

There was ----. He was clingy, depressed, in need of a shoulder to cry on. Getting busy in the sheets meant having to be there as support for 24/7. He was stunning to look at, funny to be with, but his mind was full of poison. Manipulative was one word you could describe him as.

Trying to talk with him about not being able to be there all the time ended up with him hating me, lying about me, and manipulating people away from me.

  
  


There was ^^^^. She was cute, little thing, so much younger than me, clingy and in need of a proper mother. She clung into me immediately, seeing me as someone to trust. Fortunately it was short thing, and I was able to push her in a reasonable distance away.

  
  


There was ******. They were broken, abused, in need of a psychiatric help. They fell in love with me, wanted me more and more, but couldn’t treat me as friend. As I took the role of therapist, they told me everything, expecting me to be there with them. They wanted to be with me 24/7, in person, wanted to do everything with me, although it was more like they wanted me to be there when they did something. I was safe person, who wouldn’t force anything on them.

They kept wanting more and more from me, help, support, ear to listen, one to hug, everything. The abuse that had been happening was cruel and brutal, but they had been manipulated to think it was okay and fine, and even though not acceptable, it was fine to do it behind closed doors.

  
  


They needed someone to trust. They told me more than I was able to handle, more than I could help with, but still expected me to be able to help them with it all.

  
  


I was so young with ^^^^, naïve with ----, and way too giving with ******.

I grew and learned from the first two, but ***** was still able to cling to me and extract more than I was able to give.

I’m still learning, I’m still trying to find the right way to go, the right way to act.

  
  


It isn’t easy to be me.

It isn’t easy to be anyone.

But maybe it gets just a little bit easier as we go forward.

Maybe we can someday get better at life, better with people.

After all, even the toxic people need friends and support.

**Author's Note:**

> I got a message from ***** saying that they will kill me. Which was the last strike. Even if one is drunk out of their mind, it doesn't give one an excuse to threaten the lives of others.  
> It isn't easy to be loving and gentle in a world full of people who want it all.  
> But.  
> We can still try to be the best thing in this wacky world. Keep loving and keep being gentle.  
> But don't allow toxic people to stay.


End file.
